I don’t know why, but this day I walk into my Backyard with snow on all of me: I am in need of stomping the ground several times and this gives me a feeling of dancing – I want to dance, I want to feel free again.
Wait – again? Why do I need to feel free again? What happened with my freedom? I reflect on this as I take off my coat and hang it on a most wonderful coat stand – it is in light bronze and is filled with snow, or at least it looks like snow, for when I touch it – it only feels warm and very soft.
I take some of the “snow” with me, touching it calms me, it makes my hands soft and my heart numb and that feels wonderful at this time. I understand that I need to feel calm, relaxed. The furniture is inviting me to come closer to the fireplace, and I do come closer, I sit down in one of the groups and quite puzzled I look around: did I make all this? Sure, I have used this place for several years now – a sanctuary to escape into when things are so dark that I can feel this way too familiar rock bottom. I’ve even been underneath rock bottom, in some periods of my life I was wondering how far down I really could come. Still, I do, but not with hatred anymore. I always carry a lantern with me, and always a mirror!
If my Backyard has taught me anything it is that it is never worth it to hate yourself for your own, or other’s mistakes. Because in the long run, it does not matter who did wrong. It matters how to react, and this, one can only do in one’s own self.
As I look at the shelf above the fireplace, I see some caramelized apples on a tray, sprinkled with green mint and a little bit of salt.
I stand up to take one, as I hear a voice. It comes from a man with golden, brown beard, and he wears red and gold-colored clothes. The man smiles at me, and he bows politely:
“Ah! There you are, Little One, I was waiting for you.
Seems like you got my message!”
I look at the man with wide eyes. I could not remember getting any messages.
Cosmic Backyard’s Christmas Calendar 2017:
Christmas Corner Part 1