Soil to Self-Love.

She holds up the purple book named “Self Worth” – the one that I found in that floating library in space. Something immediately happens inside of me; I crack, hard surface turns to soft, tension to relief.

“It looks like you forgot this at the table?”

Her eyes glow as she hands it to me. I take it and softly caress the front slowly with my one hand. I try to open it – but it is locked.

“Not yet,” she says, blinking an eye.

I look at it for a long time before I push it against my chest. I want to cry. A dusty feeling of grief reaches the surface. I breathe in slowly. It hurts in my throat.

One of my most significant crimes has been not… loving myself. All those times I’ve given myself negative thoughts. All those times I’ve cursed myself.

“For what?” I reply to myself.

The dark lady nods. She turns around, picks up something and comes back. A cup of tea is placed in my hands.

I didn’t even react to the fact that a ghostly being could carry anything. After all – this is my mind, and I am the creator.

Yes – I am. A creator. I look at the cup with the tea inside. I smell it.

It smells like
dry deserts in yellow sand
temples and harvest of
past, like rainy
seasons of praise
and the sun, warmth
of peace.

When I take a sip I guess that is what I feel as well: my grief softly turns to a breezing wind with warmth on top – the soft inside of me gets carried away in the wind, it travels to the rays of light – back to the sun.

I understand that this is a place that I can return to. That this is scenery made by me – for me. A place where I can feel free, relax and let go. I have to remember this for later.

When I look down in my tea again, a powerful voice comes bursting out from within. It tickles in every bone, and my whole being vibrates:

“If you do not feel the pain you cannot feel the joy.”

I let go of the tea: I hear the cup breaking.

“You are my soil to self-love!” I shout, almost manic:

“If it hadn’t been for you, I wouldn’t have been able to see the contrasts! One can also get lost in the light of the ego! The darkness is the soil we need to use to reach the light – in equal portions!”

The dark lady smiles, a most glorious laugh – and all that I know of darkness becomes gold.

Cosmic Backyard’s Christmas Calendar 2017:
Christmas Corner Part 15

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