Tag Archives: christmas

Darker aspects.

“You are not as I believed you to be,” it says.

It. Her. Me? 

It looks just like me! Well, except the thing with transparent nature, grey color and very dark areas under “my” eyes.

“Oh?” I manage to reply.

She floats, turns upside-down and looks at me with a most peculiar look.

“Well – as I am supposed to be your darker aspects, all that you don’t want to see or acknowledge with yourself – I expected you to be… the lighter aspects of… well, you.“

“What… do you mean?”

She turned around a bit, looked at the little shack. I noticed her embarrassed face from the back of her head since I could see through her.

“Ah, I don’t want us to get off to a bad start, after all, I am something one is not supposed to love or embrace, so I thought I wanted to give you a really good first impression. Silly me to always say what I think and feel, one should be more polite, I need to train those skills.”

She stops. Looks at me, bows and says:

“You are most welcome to my home, dearest. Long time, no see! Would you like me to get you something?”

I follow her in as I don’t have the conscience to say that she can’t make me anything, but I stop when I see her take something down from a little shelf and begins to cook in a kettle.

Instead, I try to start a new conversation.

“So. You are my darker aspects…?”

She nods and smiles. The dark areas under her eyes make it look scary.

“Yes, I am! I am you – at your service! You came to me for a reason and I know you are curious about just that. You are here because of your negative thought patterns. Mostly, because you think you can save the world.You think that you alone are the answer to all. I have to inform you that this is not correct.”

She sighs and looks down at the kettle.

“I guess we can wave goodbye to that great first – and second impression, right?”


Cosmic Backyard’s Christmas Calendar 2017:
Christmas Corner Part 12

A graveyard of thoughts.

“Ready for what?” I ask, suddenly with a bit of suspicion. I notice how one of the socks at the fireplace seems to disappear, being back again at the next moment.

I can see that his eyes are going back to that little bit of worried express that I saw some time ago. He looks at me with an almost nostalgic smile.

“You know that humanity isn’t doing very well, right? How you have failed oh so many tests up to now – most of all because you all find yourselves to be the hopeless cause?”

I nod, experiencing a mix of worry as I remember the state Earth is in, as well as loads of confused thoughts fighting to get out.

The man stops smiling. He looks down at his hands. “As long as you give up on yourself there is nothing we can do to help. If you don’t want to, we cannot do.”

His words confuse me. I look at him with narrowed eyes, trying to extract all the essence of his thoughts.

“The only thing we can do is to talk to those who want to listen.”

I feel an urge to fight against myself. I don’t want to know about this. I don’t want to understand, nor take a statement in this. I suddenly feel powerless and weak.

But when I listen because of his strong eyes, because of this place where I am completely free, safe an in control of myself and my environment – I can hear what he is saying. Humanity has lost its way. The path we are taking now is filled with fear, pain, and uncertainty. Of a loss of knowledge. Loss of contact.

I understand what he is saying.

“You can never save us.”¨

He shakes his head. “No, but that was never the intention. If you are going to take a step up on the evolutionary latter, you’ll have to take care of yourselves.”

I laugh. A sharp laughter this time. “We can barely be polite to each other. We kill and make others suffer. We are weak, all of us!”

He nods, and I find it difficult to stay in focus. “Indeed. But you must not forget all the good things happening all the time as well. It doesn’t help to lose hope. That is one of the downward spirals for humanity as a whole.”

I try to breathe deeply in and out. To keep calm and in balance. I notice that he looks at me with clear eyes. And he says:

“It looks like you have two more steps to go. It was difficult to tell, but now I do understand. You need to get past those first. It will be better, I promise. Just remember that you are in a safe place. This is the discovery of yourself.”

Then, in a poof, the man is gone again. So is the living room – the fireplace and the cosmic feelings. I suddenly stand in a graveyard.


Cosmic Backyard’s Christmas Calendar 2017:
Christmas Corner Part 11

About being ready.

This time, my little living room is even more decorated: socks hanging from the fireplace – they are dark/velvet blue with loads of glitter on them – making them look like they are the Cosmic Well of Wishes themselves.

I look up, and I see loads of festoons, shining in dark red and gold. I breathe in and smell something that reminds me of gingerbread.

The most breathtaking is though something completely else – I look out of the windows. Somehow the doors next to the porches are closed, and outside I can only see darkness, stars sparkling and a moon shining where the reflection is not in the way.

“What?!” I express, as I walk to one of the windows. I press my nose to the glass, framing my eyes with my hands – and I see snow – loads of snow.

“Isn’t it marvelous? I mean, how the mind works? You could make a life for yourself just staying here. You have done your visualizations so nicely, you are tuned in as much as a human being can be. But this is not the reason for you being here – is it?”

I turn around, for the first time studying him like someone I really know. In a way, I remember him. I remember this mysterious man, but the memories sit in my heart, even longer inside of me – from the point of where I cannot describe it anymore. From a very profound and indescribable place.

“How can I be… this good at visualizing? Why? I chose this. Why?”

The man chuckled. He walked towards the fireplace, sitting down in a similar chair like the one where we ate cups.

“This is your place. You invited me as well. So – you tell me!”

I feel stuck. I suppose, in a way – I am. If I did invite this man over to my very own sanctuary, it had to be for a reason. But I didn’t know that. Whatever it was, it had to be significant.

“Tell me. Why are you alive?”

The question struck me with fear. Why would he ask me about that?

“I… guess it is because I love to live? I do love my life sometimes. I love it deep and profoundly when those moments occur.”

He nods. Looks into the sparkling fire. I know he understands.

“Tell me more,” he encourages, almost spiritually lifting me up in the air with the gestures that he makes.

I look at the fire myself. The way it crackles. The way the sound of the fire speaks to me, my warm cheeks, my pulsating heart.

I close my eyes. I speak.

“It is because I was and still am in love with life.The way it happens. The way Universe creates itself. I know how it can speak – and it speaks directly to me. Through me. My heart’s voice is of cosmos, we are all of Cosmos, and I am allowing it to happen. I am here because of that. Because of what I know.” 

He smiles again. While nodding, he looks at me. His eyes sparkle in light-blue, like the ice on the horizon on a cold day. The fresh type.

“Yes. We know. And we also know that you are ready for this.”


Cosmic Backyard’s Christmas Calendar 2017:
Christmas Corner Part 10

The Relief.

The mirror disappears, and the cave transforms into something ordinary, and this makes me feel that I am not supposed to stay there any longer.

Although I do just that – I stay, and I let it sink. All that I’ve learned. All that I’ve been up until this point in time. Then I start to look around. What now? Feeling relieved and thankful I climb the stairs only to come out to an entirely different setting: the garden that blossoms in green and unique colors!

I am in awe once again, and I slowly walk against the house, finding it not only open but with a porch as well. I hear birds singing and music of plant life. When I come to the front of the house, I see the snowman and the little heap from before, still standing there – now looking like glass.

I am about to go to touch them to find out when I hear a familiar voice.

“Well done! The first of three! That is always the most unfamiliar and scary one yet you did it like you’ve had no problems with those before?”

The mysterious man is back, standing on another porch at the front. The doors, which weren’t there before – are wide open, and I see curtains blowing in the wind that I cannot feel.

I focus on the question. Suddenly I hear myself answering him.

“I have… done a lot of self-development in my life. Because I’ve had to. It was about survival, but I didn’t know that at the time. Now I know that it was all about being able to stand through the pain.”

He nods. I know that he already knows, but I don’t see why I think that.

“In your perspective, it may look like that, yes. Since the living humanoids on Earth cling to every breath they are given – as is the point, too – they do have that tendency to feel that all is about survival – when fear kicks in.”

I continue to stand there, silent. Reflecting on his last sentence, when he speaks again.

“Did you know that your fireplace is still crackling in your Christmas Corner?”

I raise my eyebrows. This was supposed to be about my Christmas Corner, and here I stand in the middle of a bloomy garden. I know that snow is my personal preferment, but anyhow I find it odd.

“Why not go inside and talk about it?” He says, leading me the way in with his arm.

Cosmic Backyard’s Christmas Calendar 2017:
Christmas Corner Part 9

The room without being there.

As I walk out of the Observatory, on my way to the cozy fireplace, I turn left to walk beside the Fence of Memory. When I do, it instantly starts to blink – and it looks like it is being turned on like a television – the screen showing the universe zoomed out until it stops at something odd: it looks like a library floating out in space!

I have to stop and study this phenomenon. When I reach out my hand to try touch it, it feels hard and solid, and I realize that I am touching one of the shelves. It spins lightly around like it never reaches the ground, and when I grab the front of the shelf, it is instantly locked to my hand. When I take my hand back again, it immediately releases itself from my “grasp.”

I now try to take out a book, and a purple one follows. I read the front of it: “Self Worth.” I take the book with me as I walk back to the fireplace.

Wait – what fireplace? When I enter the room that I previously warmed myself in, where I ate a cup and drank a heavenly drink – it is no longer there. Instead, I am outside – but I am not cold. The tons of snow that I walk in isn’t raw, and I bend down to touch it: the same as I felt in the beginning – soft and warm and very mysterious!

I look around. It seems like I am in a garden. When I walk past some trees with layers of snow on them – I see a house with warm and inviting windows. I stare at the windows: inside I can see my living room, with the fireplace and everything that I have decorated. I walk around the house to find the door. But there is nothing there.

The fireplace crackles like it did – and I can’t get in there. I start to walk around in the garden to see what it is that I can do.

Halfway desperate I stand there without knowing what to do. It looks like the fireplace crackles like it did – and I can’t get in there. I start to walk around in the garden to see what it is that I can do.

I smile when I start to collect the snow that acts like it wants to be molded into some shape. I laugh a little, and then I begin to sing.


Cosmic Backyard’s Christmas Calendar 2017:
Christmas Corner Part 6

A Game of Riddles

I feel embarrassed as soon as I realize that I have no idea about anything this day. That I actually know so little, and apparently, I should have known more.

I continue to stand there before I look down at the floor: nebulas are floating around inside of the tiles, they travel distances here, and there, circling, unifying, dividing.

Then I suddenly hear it. The silence. The profound feeling of going to the first desk to look at what the man was looking at moments before. I find myself missing this stranger that understood me so well, perhaps more than I have ever realized myself.

I bend over the desk while I slowly open the scroll on it.

There, poem shines in a golden bronze glow:

You may be all alone
here at your Cosmic Throne
remember: be aware,
how we always are there
and that this is your place:
but other’s people’s grace.

I stop to reflect on those words, and I study the walls of the Observatory: more like bookshelves following the round shape of the building. My eyes widen: these are all books about the stars? The fascination rise in me, and I shake my head to continue to concentrate.

Soon I walk over to the other desk, looking at the second scroll the man was studying. There I see a beautiful drawing of several round shapes. They are different and contain different things. One of them includes a church. Another one looks like a beautiful garden. The third is full of stars and nebulas.

Only two words are glowing, almost floating from the scroll:
Go back.

I immediately understand, and I turn around to run back to the cozy fireplace.

If it is a riddle-game he wants, he is getting one!


Cosmic Backyard’s Christmas Calendar 2017:
Christmas Corner Part 5


A bronzed telecope and a storyline in the stars.

The smell of the room witnesses an era of great wisdom. The man walks into the Observatory in front of me, managing around like he built the place. He lits fire in some ancient lamps, and the smell immediately fills the air and reminds me of long lost memories I’ve never had.

He continues into the end of the round room – bending over a desk with some scrolls on it. Then he nods and continues over to another desk.

I stand at the entrance, suddenly realizing that this is my place and that I should have known it the way he does. I also realize that I’ve never touched these scrolls before, nor have I been here. Who has then?

I hear him chuckle, and say: “That is why I am here!”

He turns around, and he smiles at me. I am beginning to get used to his soft, radiant smiles and before I open my mouth to ask what he means, he points up to the stars.


I walk slowly towards the bronzed telescope. The minute I touch it, the roof starts to move away silently. The sparkling sky sings to me, and I stand in awe to study the glimmering lights, all talking to me at the same time.

Tiny little stories, so far away, yet so very close.

I look into the telescope, and I see:

Glittered nebulas, songs of fog and skies
meteorites dancing through vacuum of stories
and I see golden, radiant lights,
pulsating, some smaller than others,
they are like little bronze bubbles
and I open my mouth to ask
what it is
but I cannot seem to find
any sound on my tongue.

I step back from the telescope, suddenly laughing, standing there with my mouth open, nothing to say, I am empty of words but full of fascination and awe!

Yes, and isn’t that wonderful, my dear? Hold onto that thought, for now, it begins!

He snaps his fingers, and suddenly the man is gone. I turn around several times but for no use. I find myself continuing to laugh as I have no idea what to do next.


Cosmic Backyard’s Christmas Calendar 2017:
Christmas Corner Part 4

When I taste the cup, something happens inside of me.

The red cup tastes like heaven. Yes, seriously. The red cup as well. The liquid was something that I never had tasted before in my life, and I will most likely not reencounter its wonders in this lifetime – how could I even try to describe it?

Better than any honey. Or chocolate, or caramel, or hazelnut, or chocolate mousse, or any sweet thing on the market. And as for this marshmallow – it wasn’t a marshmallow but even softer, and it actually tasted healthy and wonderful at the same time.

“It is the best one, isn’t it?” he says and points at my cup with a chuckle. I continue to chew the handle, and as I begin to finish, I try to eat at a prolonged rate.

I nod, and say “Yes.”

I’ve actually forgotten that he is here for a reason, as if he belonged here and that I just realized that, but then he suddenly gets to the point.

“You really don’t know why I am here, do you?”

He smiles like before, but as I look at him, I see that something worries him, and it floats slowly out from his eyes, enough for me to pick it up and to see that something is wrong.

I do, however, not say anything about that. I can’t, because the words I want to say are stuck in my mouth, under my tongue, below the amazement of how profoundly real this feels.

I only manage to shake my head, and add “No?” 

He stands up and walks to the window. Looking out to the stars.

“Do you know who I am?”

I shake my head again, but as he is standing there with his gaze to the stars, I add a new “No.” 

“I want to show you something,” he then answers, and before I get to ask him about anything at all – he walks out of the cozy living room, out to my Fence of Memory, and besides it all the way to one of the ends. I look up to the building standing there, tall above us. The Dome is of silver and it reflects back the sparkles from the stars this evening.

“The Observatory”, I whisper as I follow him inside.


Cosmic Backyard’s Christmas Calendar 2017:
Christmas Corner Part 3

It is like my Christmas Corner is filled with ancient, fresh steam

Should I feel afraid? In a second I stop to feel. I close my eyes and breathe in. No threat. As usual – this is my sacred place so nothing can really harm me here.

So who is this guy? I study him in silence and he chuckles.

“Good morning! You must have had a profound and deep night’s sleep, you are quite receptive today!”

I continue to stare at him. I do not smile, nor do I say anything. I take a piece of the caramelized apple while I study him in detail. The apple tastes wonderful and the flavors dance in my mouth. I fight hard to hide the satisfaction.

The man chuckles a bit more, comes in, takes off his cape and hangs it on the coat stand. Now I notice that he has a scepter as he lets it rest against the surface of his cape.

I suddenly realize that this is my place and that I am the host. I shake my head a little, bow my head a nanosecond and show him with my arm to join me by the fireplace. He smiles, even more with radiating eyes and a sound I can hear coming from his soul. It is a most harmonious song, and I feel at ease when I listen to it.

The man takes a caramelized apple and joins me at my table. I sit down, suddenly staring at the red and sparkling golden tablecloth, the golden shadow from a white-silvered candle, and his one hand just staying still some 15 centimeters over the table, palm facing down.

While I blink and not blink, the air is in a spot replaced by a red cup with golden decorations. Inside, it steams a liquid light brown, and suddenly a white square pops out and gently floats inside of the liquid.

I stare at the object, my mouth open and I realize how I must look so I close it again. He chuckles again, and I look up at him.

“Do you want me to make one for you as well?” he asks, while it looks like he is having a lot of fun on my behalf.

“Yes, please,” I say, and feel it tickles in my stomach.


Cosmic Backyard’s Christmas Calendar 2017:
Christmas Corner Part 2

In the Christmas Corner a crackling fireplace is lit.

I don’t know why, but this day I walk into my Backyard with snow on all of me: I am in need of stomping the ground several times and this gives me a feeling of dancing – I want to dance, I want to feel free again.

Wait – again? Why do I need to feel free again? What happened with my freedom? I reflect on this as I take off my coat and hang it on a most wonderful coat stand – it is in light bronze and is filled with snow, or at least it looks like snow, for when I touch it – it only feels warm and very soft.

I take some of the “snow” with me, touching it calms me, it makes my hands soft and my heart numb and that feels wonderful at this time. I understand that I need to feel calm, relaxed. The furniture is inviting me to come closer to the fireplace, and I do come closer, I sit down in one of the groups and quite puzzled I look around: did I make all this? Sure, I have used this place for several years now – a sanctuary to escape into when things are so dark that I can feel this way too familiar rock bottom. I’ve even been underneath rock bottom, in some periods of my life I was wondering how far down I really could come. Still, I do, but not with hatred anymore. I always carry a lantern with me, and always a mirror!

If my Backyard has taught me anything it is that it is never worth it to hate yourself for your own, or other’s mistakes. Because in the long run, it does not matter who did wrong. It matters how to react, and this, one can only do in one’s own self.

As I look at the shelf above the fireplace, I see some caramelized apples on a tray, sprinkled with green mint and a little bit of salt.

I stand up to take one, as I hear a voice. It comes from a man with golden, brown beard, and he wears red and gold-colored clothes. The man smiles at me, and he bows politely:

“Ah! There you are, Little One, I was waiting for you.
Seems like you got my message!”

I look at the man with wide eyes. I could not remember getting any messages.


Cosmic Backyard’s Christmas Calendar 2017:
Christmas Corner Part 1