The Alchemical Process.

What I see activates all of my triggers at once. The sorrow that I’ve carried, all that I’ve been, lived, believed, felt and regretted comes up at once and I react by kneeling in front of the mirror immediately. My thoughts go to war, telling me to stop this nonsense and to just take it easy – continuing with my life, my pleasures and to forget all of this stupidity – but something inside of my fights against it.

I have always been afraid of this – meeting myself. Listening to the thoughts of murmur, of sorrow and despair. Al that I have lost. How can one carry all that one has lost? I have never found the answer, and thus I am terrified of knowing myself.

Knowing what, exactly? My weak spots? My past? I realize that it is just the pain itself in its most sincere and pure form. The pain that tears on me, day in and out, more when I am tired less when I am more relaxed. The pain itself is indeed terrifying, and I have no idea how to cope with it.

It is then I start to wonder about the meaning of life itself. Why live when you carry so much pain?  So much pain that it apparently is too much to bear. I could never find the answer, maybe until now. Something starts to make sense inside of me. When feelings and thought-patterns gather to form words, pictures, and precise, abstract meanings.

It is as if I hear the feeling talk:
“If you do not feel the pain you cannot feel the joy.”

I am in awe as I sit there on my knees, trying to take gentle, controlled breaths. This is how it is. The pain is a part of duality inside of humanity, and, thus, is the reason of why we feel joy the way we do.
Without darkness, one cannot see the light. Without light, one cannot understand the shadows. It is all apparent, profound and touching.

As I experience the merging of this thought-pattern and sudden feeling, I relax more than I’ve ever done before, a new freedom emerges from inside. The blue mirror melts away, and so do the cave walls. They change color to a tone of golden sun, and I feel like I am a thousand light-years easier than before. A thousand light-years of relief.

 

Cosmic Backyard’s Christmas Calendar 2017:
Christmas Corner Part 8

The more you open, the more you show.

So, what`s happened?
With us all?
Why are we acting so scared and small?
We don`t like to talk our honest words,
no, we are just followers of The Herds
that want to lead us, steps and way,
and leave us in flocks, but led astray.

Why do we follow their way?

Where are the Followers of The Heart?
Where are the ones who break apart,
to follow their lead, to follow their way,
I hope they are there, and therefore I pray,

– for sunshine in Heart, and Mind in New Day.

You know what we get, to follow that path?

I know that your Ego will have it`s own will;
to tell you that this path is way too still,
but really, just hear me out for a while,
cause even your Ego will feel that it`s thrilled!

It`s really just simple, complicated math:

The more you open, the more you show;
– the more you have the right to know.
The more you see, and what you dare,
will give you Love and Heart to care.
And really, if there is Love involved,
it will get everything faster resolved.

Yes, follow what your Heart will say,
that is the best and loveliest way
and maybe you think it`s strange to feel
your all emotions – and all that is real,
but just remember
and let it be said:
it`s better than being
alive, but dead.