It looks like she is thinking about what to say next.
I stare at the cosmic picture on the wall. Or is it a window? I want to touch it, but I don’t dare. What to say, and not say in this space? If this indeed is my darker aspect, shouldn’t I be scared, or at least careful?
“We know what you think, dearest! Of course, we do! This is your mind, your consciousness – what did you expect?” her smile makes me shiver down the spine, and suddenly I feel very much ashamed for all that I’ve been thinking about her. How could I not realize that? After all, the mystical man always seemed to answer my thoughts, and I didn’t even question it.
My darker side started to laugh, and it was heartfelt. “I see, but don’t you understand – the whole point of you being here is seeing me – what you do not want to see, or admit to yourself – all that you despise about yourself – at least in doses. Seeing too much will make you so much ashamed that you cannot think straight.”
For the first time since I got here, I felt a moment of peace. I just observed her and felt curiousness flowing through my body. The clean feeling of being interested and exited in something unknown. Now, I don’t think she looks that bad.
“What is it that I hate about myself, then?” I ask.
She bows to me. “Your inability to save the world, my dear. You want to save everyone on your dear planet. You want to make everything okay.”
I shrug my shoulders. “Who doesn’t?”
“Not everyone wants it to be good again. The good is something really scary for many. Did you know that? Humans are afraid of the Light they are seeking.”
Now, I raise a brow and shake my head. “Only my darker side could have said something like that. That is a horrible thing to say!”
She looks at the cosmic window. “Not everyone wants to evolve. A lot of people wants to just enjoy themselves and nothing more. They want everything to be okay just like status quo is. That is not the same as fighting for the right thing.”
I cough. “You say enjoyment is wrong? Why don’t the people have their right to be happy?”
She shakes her head again. “It’s not about being happy. I am not questioning the human right of being able to feel joy and happiness. But about how humans use happiness as an escape from the realities.”
I breathe in slowly. “If I focus on the negativity I’d end up like you!” The words come out harsher than I anticipated but I don’t care as I feel a rising need to make her understand how I am right and she is wrong.
She chuckles again. “No. I am not talking about focusing on the negative of the world. One needs to focus on the positive – but the first step is realizing where you stand – without seeing that one cannot build the house of future!”
As I am silenced for a while, she continues. “So, seeing the negative and cruel in the world – staying in both an emphatic state and a state of overview – fight the cause and then let go. That is the recipe for human power. And I mean power as in realizing who you really are as a species, where you are from and what you are supposed to be.This will lead to the world that you want.”
I don’t know what to say. Nor if I understood what she meant. I feel a terrifying fear of listening more to my darkest aspects. What if I believe her?
Cosmic Backyard’s Christmas Calendar 2017:
Christmas Corner Part 14