Tag Archives: spiritual journey

Terrifying Truth.

It looks like she is thinking about what to say next.

I stare at the cosmic picture on the wall. Or is it a window? I want to touch it, but I don’t dare. What to say, and not say in this space? If this indeed is my darker aspect, shouldn’t I be scared, or at least careful?

She chuckles.

“We know what you think, dearest! Of course, we do! This is your mind, your consciousness – what did you expect?” her smile makes me shiver down the spine, and suddenly I feel very much ashamed for all that I’ve been thinking about her. How could I not realize that? After all, the mystical man always seemed to answer my thoughts, and I didn’t even question it.

My darker side started to laugh, and it was heartfelt. “I see, but don’t you understand – the whole point of you being here is seeing me – what you do not want to see, or admit to yourself – all that you despise about yourself – at least in doses. Seeing too much will make you so much ashamed that you cannot think straight.”

For the first time since I got here, I felt a moment of peace. I just observed her and felt curiousness flowing through my body. The clean feeling of being interested and exited in something unknown. Now, I don’t think she looks that bad.

“What is it that I hate about myself, then?” I ask.

She bows to me. “Your inability to save the world, my dear. You want to save everyone on your dear planet. You want to make everything okay.”

I shrug my shoulders. “Who doesn’t?”

“Not everyone wants it to be good again. The good is something really scary for many. Did you know that? Humans are afraid of the Light they are seeking.”

Now, I raise a brow and shake my head. “Only my darker side could have said something like that. That is a horrible thing to say!”

She looks at the cosmic window. “Not everyone wants to evolve. A lot of people wants to just enjoy themselves and nothing more. They want everything to be okay just like status quo is. That is not the same as fighting for the right thing.”

I cough. “You say enjoyment is wrong? Why don’t the people have their right to be happy?”

She shakes her head again. “It’s not about being happy. I am not questioning the human right of being able to feel joy and happiness. But about how humans use happiness as an escape from the realities.”

I breathe in slowly. “If I focus on the negativity I’d end up like you!” The words come out harsher than I anticipated but I don’t care as I feel a rising need to make her understand how I am right and she is wrong.

She chuckles again. “No. I am not talking about focusing on the negative of the world. One needs to focus on the positive – but the first step is realizing where you stand – without seeing that one cannot build the house of future!”

As I am silenced for a while, she continues. “So, seeing the negative and cruel in the world – staying in both an emphatic state and a state of overview – fight the cause and then let go. That is the recipe for human power. And I mean power as in realizing who you really are as a species, where you are from and what you are supposed to be.This will lead to the world that you want.”

I don’t know what to say. Nor if I understood what she meant. I feel a terrifying fear of listening more to my darkest aspects. What if I believe her?

Cosmic Backyard’s Christmas Calendar 2017:
Christmas Corner Part 14

A graveyard of thoughts.

“Ready for what?” I ask, suddenly with a bit of suspicion. I notice how one of the socks at the fireplace seems to disappear, being back again at the next moment.

I can see that his eyes are going back to that little bit of worried express that I saw some time ago. He looks at me with an almost nostalgic smile.

“You know that humanity isn’t doing very well, right? How you have failed oh so many tests up to now – most of all because you all find yourselves to be the hopeless cause?”

I nod, experiencing a mix of worry as I remember the state Earth is in, as well as loads of confused thoughts fighting to get out.

The man stops smiling. He looks down at his hands. “As long as you give up on yourself there is nothing we can do to help. If you don’t want to, we cannot do.”

His words confuse me. I look at him with narrowed eyes, trying to extract all the essence of his thoughts.

“The only thing we can do is to talk to those who want to listen.”

I feel an urge to fight against myself. I don’t want to know about this. I don’t want to understand, nor take a statement in this. I suddenly feel powerless and weak.

But when I listen because of his strong eyes, because of this place where I am completely free, safe an in control of myself and my environment – I can hear what he is saying. Humanity has lost its way. The path we are taking now is filled with fear, pain, and uncertainty. Of a loss of knowledge. Loss of contact.

I understand what he is saying.

“You can never save us.”¨

He shakes his head. “No, but that was never the intention. If you are going to take a step up on the evolutionary latter, you’ll have to take care of yourselves.”

I laugh. A sharp laughter this time. “We can barely be polite to each other. We kill and make others suffer. We are weak, all of us!”

He nods, and I find it difficult to stay in focus. “Indeed. But you must not forget all the good things happening all the time as well. It doesn’t help to lose hope. That is one of the downward spirals for humanity as a whole.”

I try to breathe deeply in and out. To keep calm and in balance. I notice that he looks at me with clear eyes. And he says:

“It looks like you have two more steps to go. It was difficult to tell, but now I do understand. You need to get past those first. It will be better, I promise. Just remember that you are in a safe place. This is the discovery of yourself.”

Then, in a poof, the man is gone again. So is the living room – the fireplace and the cosmic feelings. I suddenly stand in a graveyard.


Cosmic Backyard’s Christmas Calendar 2017:
Christmas Corner Part 11