Tag Archives: truth

Self-Worth and Herbs.

I breathe in slowly, close my eyes and try to focus on the task. As I breathe, I work hard with keeping my hands steady, breathing in warmth through them, out to this individual on the floor. I must remember how to breathe in, to choose the way of breathing. As I feel the air filling my lungs, I get the sensation of relaxing. My hands are warm, and the connection between this person lying there and me is tied up with threads of energy.

Then, I peek. I look at the two others who are sitting there, consumed by their concentration. I feel how they are centered – their mere presence makes me calm and content. That is when it hits me – I do not belong here – I am not good enough for this task – I am not enough.

The patient gasps, his eyes open, it looks like he is in great pain. The other two wake up from their trance – they look at him, comfort and keep him down and steady – but I, I want to withdraw my hands. Something keeps me in place, though. This feeling of not wanting to abandon me again. I have done that so many times before, each time more painful than the other – but I can change, and I want it to be different from now on. I know I cannot keep too big promises as I am a mere human being – but I can have the will and the true wish of wanting to change.

The picture dissolves. The temple is gone, so is the patient and the other two Therapists. I am left kneeling on a field of grass, summer wind touches my hair, sun laughs at my skin. I have a yellow dress, I want to stand up, but instead, I let myself fall to the ground – My face rests in the grass straws, some flowers, a couple that I have seen before – others not. I smell, I let my hands and fingers dig into the soil and roots, I release out a relieved sigh as I feel that I belong.

When I roll around to face the sky and its answers, I see the last therapist stand there, looking down at me with a smile. I get up. In his hands, I can see several plants – or herbs – peeking up from his fingers.

“It is good to have decided to want to change. The question is: what to do next? Not to get caught up in that question forever – just for a little while.”

He hands me the herbs, and as I feel their consistency within my hands, the landscape changes once again. Now, I sit on a roof, made out of glass. I can see my own Cosmic Backyard from here – my cozy fireplace, the observatory, the alien herbarium at the very beginning of the guiding tour… Those three herbs sparkle in a way, I have to pick them up and study them. Three different shapes, characteristics. While one is transparent, the other is light red, and the third is more of a purple color.

As I study the herbs in my hands, I notice that someone is looking at me from the antique living room. I can see that it is my very old alien guide and great friend – T’lar.

Cosmic Backyard’s Delayed Christmas Calendar 2017:
Christmas Corner Part 18

“Horse Truth”

I wanted truth of self one day,
so I went out in fields to stay
and listen to my voice of own
and then I heard this strangest tone:

“You are not from this world in heart:
you grew with terms so wide apart
in what you’d need to see and do
and who you’d let come into you
your rules are not the same as ours
we know each day your soul devours
you are not from this world, like us
and don’t deny: we won’t discuss!”

I turned around, all quite amazed
I got them in a long, good gaze:
Two horses stood there, staring back
their eyes were life itself in black.

I didn’t quite know what to do
it was, in fact, the strangest view
so I went back from where I came
and never would it feel the same!

In fields of crusty, golden grasslands
message soured in distant sands:
“If you want truth – go talk to horse,
but if you lie: please change your course!”

This poem is made on video and published on YouTube – enjoy!