Darker aspects.

“You are not as I believed you to be,” it says.

It. Her. Me? 

It looks just like me! Well, except the thing with transparent nature, grey color and very dark areas under “my” eyes.

“Oh?” I manage to reply.

She floats, turns upside-down and looks at me with a most peculiar look.

“Well – as I am supposed to be your darker aspects, all that you don’t want to see or acknowledge with yourself – I expected you to be… the lighter aspects of… well, you.“

“What… do you mean?”

She turned around a bit, looked at the little shack. I noticed her embarrassed face from the back of her head since I could see through her.

“Ah, I don’t want us to get off to a bad start, after all, I am something one is not supposed to love or embrace, so I thought I wanted to give you a really good first impression. Silly me to always say what I think and feel, one should be more polite, I need to train those skills.”

She stops. Looks at me, bows and says:

“You are most welcome to my home, dearest. Long time, no see! Would you like me to get you something?”

I follow her in as I don’t have the conscience to say that she can’t make me anything, but I stop when I see her take something down from a little shelf and begins to cook in a kettle.

Instead, I try to start a new conversation.

“So. You are my darker aspects…?”

She nods and smiles. The dark areas under her eyes make it look scary.

“Yes, I am! I am you – at your service! You came to me for a reason and I know you are curious about just that. You are here because of your negative thought patterns. Mostly, because you think you can save the world.You think that you alone are the answer to all. I have to inform you that this is not correct.”

She sighs and looks down at the kettle.

“I guess we can wave goodbye to that great first – and second impression, right?”


Cosmic Backyard’s Christmas Calendar 2017:
Christmas Corner Part 12

A graveyard of thoughts.

“Ready for what?” I ask, suddenly with a bit of suspicion. I notice how one of the socks at the fireplace seems to disappear, being back again at the next moment.

I can see that his eyes are going back to that little bit of worried express that I saw some time ago. He looks at me with an almost nostalgic smile.

“You know that humanity isn’t doing very well, right? How you have failed oh so many tests up to now – most of all because you all find yourselves to be the hopeless cause?”

I nod, experiencing a mix of worry as I remember the state Earth is in, as well as loads of confused thoughts fighting to get out.

The man stops smiling. He looks down at his hands. “As long as you give up on yourself there is nothing we can do to help. If you don’t want to, we cannot do.”

His words confuse me. I look at him with narrowed eyes, trying to extract all the essence of his thoughts.

“The only thing we can do is to talk to those who want to listen.”

I feel an urge to fight against myself. I don’t want to know about this. I don’t want to understand, nor take a statement in this. I suddenly feel powerless and weak.

But when I listen because of his strong eyes, because of this place where I am completely free, safe an in control of myself and my environment – I can hear what he is saying. Humanity has lost its way. The path we are taking now is filled with fear, pain, and uncertainty. Of a loss of knowledge. Loss of contact.

I understand what he is saying.

“You can never save us.”¨

He shakes his head. “No, but that was never the intention. If you are going to take a step up on the evolutionary latter, you’ll have to take care of yourselves.”

I laugh. A sharp laughter this time. “We can barely be polite to each other. We kill and make others suffer. We are weak, all of us!”

He nods, and I find it difficult to stay in focus. “Indeed. But you must not forget all the good things happening all the time as well. It doesn’t help to lose hope. That is one of the downward spirals for humanity as a whole.”

I try to breathe deeply in and out. To keep calm and in balance. I notice that he looks at me with clear eyes. And he says:

“It looks like you have two more steps to go. It was difficult to tell, but now I do understand. You need to get past those first. It will be better, I promise. Just remember that you are in a safe place. This is the discovery of yourself.”

Then, in a poof, the man is gone again. So is the living room – the fireplace and the cosmic feelings. I suddenly stand in a graveyard.


Cosmic Backyard’s Christmas Calendar 2017:
Christmas Corner Part 11

About being ready.

This time, my little living room is even more decorated: socks hanging from the fireplace – they are dark/velvet blue with loads of glitter on them – making them look like they are the Cosmic Well of Wishes themselves.

I look up, and I see loads of festoons, shining in dark red and gold. I breathe in and smell something that reminds me of gingerbread.

The most breathtaking is though something completely else – I look out of the windows. Somehow the doors next to the porches are closed, and outside I can only see darkness, stars sparkling and a moon shining where the reflection is not in the way.

“What?!” I express, as I walk to one of the windows. I press my nose to the glass, framing my eyes with my hands – and I see snow – loads of snow.

“Isn’t it marvelous? I mean, how the mind works? You could make a life for yourself just staying here. You have done your visualizations so nicely, you are tuned in as much as a human being can be. But this is not the reason for you being here – is it?”

I turn around, for the first time studying him like someone I really know. In a way, I remember him. I remember this mysterious man, but the memories sit in my heart, even longer inside of me – from the point of where I cannot describe it anymore. From a very profound and indescribable place.

“How can I be… this good at visualizing? Why? I chose this. Why?”

The man chuckled. He walked towards the fireplace, sitting down in a similar chair like the one where we ate cups.

“This is your place. You invited me as well. So – you tell me!”

I feel stuck. I suppose, in a way – I am. If I did invite this man over to my very own sanctuary, it had to be for a reason. But I didn’t know that. Whatever it was, it had to be significant.

“Tell me. Why are you alive?”

The question struck me with fear. Why would he ask me about that?

“I… guess it is because I love to live? I do love my life sometimes. I love it deep and profoundly when those moments occur.”

He nods. Looks into the sparkling fire. I know he understands.

“Tell me more,” he encourages, almost spiritually lifting me up in the air with the gestures that he makes.

I look at the fire myself. The way it crackles. The way the sound of the fire speaks to me, my warm cheeks, my pulsating heart.

I close my eyes. I speak.

“It is because I was and still am in love with life.The way it happens. The way Universe creates itself. I know how it can speak – and it speaks directly to me. Through me. My heart’s voice is of cosmos, we are all of Cosmos, and I am allowing it to happen. I am here because of that. Because of what I know.” 

He smiles again. While nodding, he looks at me. His eyes sparkle in light-blue, like the ice on the horizon on a cold day. The fresh type.

“Yes. We know. And we also know that you are ready for this.”


Cosmic Backyard’s Christmas Calendar 2017:
Christmas Corner Part 10

The Relief.

The mirror disappears, and the cave transforms into something ordinary, and this makes me feel that I am not supposed to stay there any longer.

Although I do just that – I stay, and I let it sink. All that I’ve learned. All that I’ve been up until this point in time. Then I start to look around. What now? Feeling relieved and thankful I climb the stairs only to come out to an entirely different setting: the garden that blossoms in green and unique colors!

I am in awe once again, and I slowly walk against the house, finding it not only open but with a porch as well. I hear birds singing and music of plant life. When I come to the front of the house, I see the snowman and the little heap from before, still standing there – now looking like glass.

I am about to go to touch them to find out when I hear a familiar voice.

“Well done! The first of three! That is always the most unfamiliar and scary one yet you did it like you’ve had no problems with those before?”

The mysterious man is back, standing on another porch at the front. The doors, which weren’t there before – are wide open, and I see curtains blowing in the wind that I cannot feel.

I focus on the question. Suddenly I hear myself answering him.

“I have… done a lot of self-development in my life. Because I’ve had to. It was about survival, but I didn’t know that at the time. Now I know that it was all about being able to stand through the pain.”

He nods. I know that he already knows, but I don’t see why I think that.

“In your perspective, it may look like that, yes. Since the living humanoids on Earth cling to every breath they are given – as is the point, too – they do have that tendency to feel that all is about survival – when fear kicks in.”

I continue to stand there, silent. Reflecting on his last sentence, when he speaks again.

“Did you know that your fireplace is still crackling in your Christmas Corner?”

I raise my eyebrows. This was supposed to be about my Christmas Corner, and here I stand in the middle of a bloomy garden. I know that snow is my personal preferment, but anyhow I find it odd.

“Why not go inside and talk about it?” He says, leading me the way in with his arm.

Cosmic Backyard’s Christmas Calendar 2017:
Christmas Corner Part 9

Rather he smiled to the world.

When the man
next to our table
gave the space between us
a warm smile
I so wanted to
smile back to him
but he never smiled
towards me
rather he
to the world
and that made
my heart go
all warm
and grateful
for all the
that we all
in our silent